A Year After The Crash
The way out is in.
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Aloha,
If you are just joining us, welcome. Darieus Legg is an independent animator, filmmaker, and surfer.
These are excerpts from…
my journal. I’m making an animated surf documentary called, Stoker Machine.
An animated documentary (short) about a Hawaii surfer who finds a mysterious board. His fascination and curiosity lead him to the surfboards origins. This magical board has a larger than life story waiting to be told.
A brief recap of a year of production:
- July 2021, Computer crashed. Lost 75% of the film’s original hand drawn animation.
- Aug 2021 - March 2022, suffer severe anxiety. Depression.
- September 2021, my brother teaches me how to build a supercomputer. Self-taught Unreal Engine (a gaming software) to redo the animation in 3D. See screen test here. And here. I think 3D will better the film. It does not. Now there is clarity the film must be done in 2D, and hand drawn.
- September 2021 – March 2022, Anxiety and depression at an all-time high. Major disruptions in personal life. Re-edit live-action sequences and redesign animation from scratch.
- March 2022, Complete the third iteration of the film with new animatics. Show to colleagues and friends. Consistent feedback is, the film is missing “something”. Perhaps an ending. Perhaps reshuffling the narrative. Relapse back into depression. Take momentary break. Discover Animation Obsessive, helps relieve depression and anxiety.
- April 2022, complete one-week intensive therapy at the Hoffman Institute. The anxiety and depression intensity and duration reduce dramatically. Locate and contact “Stoker”, the man who created the surfboard the movie is about. The movie starts to look like it will have an entirely new ending with archival footage and possibly the creator himself on camera for the film.
- May 2022 Radio silence from Stoker. Don’t hear from Stoker after numerous attempts. Begin to reshape the movie (4th time) to complete the film without archival footage, or Stoker. More animated sequences added to the film. The new art direction is getting nowhere. Anxiety and depression are not as threatening due to Hoffman Institute support structure and teachers. Relationships in personal life on the upswing.
- June 2022, Stoker is found again. He gives his blessings to go ahead without him. He loves the rough cut. Art direction is solidified. Majority of the film (95%) is now picture locked. A couple suggestions made by a fellow filmmaker unlock the narrative entirely. Film feels fresh and special again.
- July 2022, Storyboards and animatics in full production. Post-Production funding rounds about to begin. Looking for reliable, talented animation freelancers begins for doing in-betweens for each scene.
As you can see, making this movie is not easy. It takes so much time, patience, and resilience. I don’t think I’ve ever been tested like this before. Which is interesting. When I say tested, I mean in every way. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, why do it?
The Stoker Machine means a lot of things to me, but there are two important reasons why I haven’t given up on the film.
1.) The film at its core, represents my love for surfing. I want to capture the feeling surfing and surfers gave me growing up as a kid. Cinema is made for conveying feelings like telekinesis. I’m hoping this film tethers your mind, to mine. Touching you in a way that transcends words, with feelings. I want you to know how beautiful I think surfing and surfers are.
2.) To me, everything in life is a relationship; the one I have to the ocean, my surfboard, my beloved, my family, my friends, and my craft. They all need nurturing. They all need me to show up and do the work. Taking responsibility for what is mine. Letting go of what isn’t. Relationship doesn’t mean perfection. It is a mirror. “What is this relationship teaching me about myself?” If it teaches me something useful and positive, then I keep showing up to do the work. If it isn’t teaching me and is negative, then I keep a comfortable distance. The choice is mine. Making this film has been terribly uncomfortable, but it’s teaching me how to be a better person, which is positive. So, I keep choosing to show up, do better than yesterday.
Below are key-frames from the new art direction.
Oh! And before we sign off. I found this podcast super helpful a year ago when I was really struggling to keep my head above water. If you or anyone you know struggles with depression, from minor to major, give it a listen. Andre 3000 from Outkast and Rick Rubin have a lovely conversation. I think it clearly illustrates what many artists go through. Talking about mental health is critical to me.
A terrific resource for getting help is the Hoffman Institute. It changed and saved my life.
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter interesting, please feel free to share it with other artists and surfers. The more people who are aware of this newsletter, the more it helps the film.
Much love,
