Leprechauns and Rewiring
Ask for help when ya need it.
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Aloha,
If you are just joining us, welcome. Darieus Legg is an independent animator, filmmaker, and surfer.
These are excerpts from…
a journal. About making an independent animated surf documentary and comic called, Stoker Machine.
They say when you catch a leprechaun, never let your eyes off it, or it’ll sneak away. While in your custody, a leprechaun will give you three wishes, and sometimes a pot of gold.
I feel like creative ideas are like that too. When something strikes you as a project worth doing. Go for it. Don’t let your eyes off the magical gift. Stoker Machine is my leprechaun.
I’ve been working on this film for two years this November. It was touch and go when I first started. When I took a deeper look at what was going on inside me, by going to therapy, the film became my dedicated labor of love. Something pulling me forward to develop me.
“Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.”
Asking for help has been a struggle my whole life. I learned that pattern from my parents and surroundings growing up on the big island. My folks are dedicated and disciplined visionaries in their own right. People on the big island are humble, pull yourself up by the slippers, and don’t rock the boat types. That did a lot for me. Shaped me. Bless em’ all. Forever grateful.
At thirty-nine, I’m choosing to give myself permission to ask for help when I need it. Which is why I’m polishing up a pitch deck and seeking funding for post-production, the companion comic book for the film, and the Stoker blockchain DAO. Barring any catastrophic incidents, nothing is going to stop this story from being told.
The Stoker Machine project will teach people about Ocean life and the human stewards of the ocean - surfers. A wise investment in humankinds future on this planet. And a way for me to give back to the ohana who did so much for me.
“Unlike a lie, an imagined reality is something that everyone believes in, and as long as they continue to believe in it, the imagined reality can exert a lot of power.”
Big dream. I know. In the past, I’ve had dreams like this and have tried to accomplish everything on my own. Bite down on the bit and grind it out. That method sucks for me. Endless disappointment. Everyone has their own journey and their own time. Here’s what doing everything on my own looks like.
Here is how it looks now.
If your wondering, “how do you “be stoked”? It’s a great question. I begin by taking responsibility for what is in my control. Like my behavior and thoughts. It isn’t easy, takes discipline, but it cultivates my stoke.
The shift from doing in the world to being in the world is transforming everything in my life. Being okay asking for help is part of it. Don’t get me wrong. It’s lots of work. Lost of daily practice. And routine. I’m literally rewiring neural pathways that are decades old to create new pathways and new behaviors. That work is worth doing though because it’s building a future. My future. I may not be able to control everything, but I can set myself up for success. Especially when the fruits of that labor gives birth to the Stoker Machine project.
Bullet list of what’s going down:
Going to Mexico to film a session with Randal Rostoker and Chad Campbell next month.
Going back home to Hawaii (August) to see my Dad, and film a couple more scenes with Chad Campbell.
Received an email back from an incredible illustrator, Luis Mendo. His encouragement and advice are priceless. Love you long time Luis.
Pumping this playlist (StokeMachine#002) before surfing and during drawing sessions.
Completed another Hoffman Institute retreat.
Behind The Scenes, Stoker Machine:
Flash Back to my short-film, “Maps of Home Of Home”
Illustrations Published print and digital, Texas Observer:
To close out the post, I am going to share with you wishes I’m asking my Leprechaun.
Stoker Machine transforms (positively) the way people connect to nature and one another.
Stoker Machine receives enough support to continue making many more films, comics, and animated series like it.
(TBD)
A Year After The Crash
The way out is in.
Scroll down
〰️
Scroll down 〰️
Aloha,
If you are just joining us, welcome. Darieus Legg is an independent animator, filmmaker, and surfer.
These are excerpts from…
my journal. I’m making an animated surf documentary called, Stoker Machine.
An animated documentary (short) about a Hawaii surfer who finds a mysterious board. His fascination and curiosity lead him to the surfboards origins. This magical board has a larger than life story waiting to be told.
A brief recap of a year of production:
- July 2021, Computer crashed. Lost 75% of the film’s original hand drawn animation.
- Aug 2021 - March 2022, suffer severe anxiety. Depression.
- September 2021, my brother teaches me how to build a supercomputer. Self-taught Unreal Engine (a gaming software) to redo the animation in 3D. See screen test here. And here. I think 3D will better the film. It does not. Now there is clarity the film must be done in 2D, and hand drawn.
- September 2021 – March 2022, Anxiety and depression at an all-time high. Major disruptions in personal life. Re-edit live-action sequences and redesign animation from scratch.
- March 2022, Complete the third iteration of the film with new animatics. Show to colleagues and friends. Consistent feedback is, the film is missing “something”. Perhaps an ending. Perhaps reshuffling the narrative. Relapse back into depression. Take momentary break. Discover Animation Obsessive, helps relieve depression and anxiety.
- April 2022, complete one-week intensive therapy at the Hoffman Institute. The anxiety and depression intensity and duration reduce dramatically. Locate and contact “Stoker”, the man who created the surfboard the movie is about. The movie starts to look like it will have an entirely new ending with archival footage and possibly the creator himself on camera for the film.
- May 2022 Radio silence from Stoker. Don’t hear from Stoker after numerous attempts. Begin to reshape the movie (4th time) to complete the film without archival footage, or Stoker. More animated sequences added to the film. The new art direction is getting nowhere. Anxiety and depression are not as threatening due to Hoffman Institute support structure and teachers. Relationships in personal life on the upswing.
- June 2022, Stoker is found again. He gives his blessings to go ahead without him. He loves the rough cut. Art direction is solidified. Majority of the film (95%) is now picture locked. A couple suggestions made by a fellow filmmaker unlock the narrative entirely. Film feels fresh and special again.
- July 2022, Storyboards and animatics in full production. Post-Production funding rounds about to begin. Looking for reliable, talented animation freelancers begins for doing in-betweens for each scene.
As you can see, making this movie is not easy. It takes so much time, patience, and resilience. I don’t think I’ve ever been tested like this before. Which is interesting. When I say tested, I mean in every way. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, why do it?
The Stoker Machine means a lot of things to me, but there are two important reasons why I haven’t given up on the film.
1.) The film at its core, represents my love for surfing. I want to capture the feeling surfing and surfers gave me growing up as a kid. Cinema is made for conveying feelings like telekinesis. I’m hoping this film tethers your mind, to mine. Touching you in a way that transcends words, with feelings. I want you to know how beautiful I think surfing and surfers are.
2.) To me, everything in life is a relationship; the one I have to the ocean, my surfboard, my beloved, my family, my friends, and my craft. They all need nurturing. They all need me to show up and do the work. Taking responsibility for what is mine. Letting go of what isn’t. Relationship doesn’t mean perfection. It is a mirror. “What is this relationship teaching me about myself?” If it teaches me something useful and positive, then I keep showing up to do the work. If it isn’t teaching me and is negative, then I keep a comfortable distance. The choice is mine. Making this film has been terribly uncomfortable, but it’s teaching me how to be a better person, which is positive. So, I keep choosing to show up, do better than yesterday.
Below are key-frames from the new art direction.
Oh! And before we sign off. I found this podcast super helpful a year ago when I was really struggling to keep my head above water. If you or anyone you know struggles with depression, from minor to major, give it a listen. Andre 3000 from Outkast and Rick Rubin have a lovely conversation. I think it clearly illustrates what many artists go through. Talking about mental health is critical to me.
A terrific resource for getting help is the Hoffman Institute. It changed and saved my life.
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter interesting, please feel free to share it with other artists and surfers. The more people who are aware of this newsletter, the more it helps the film.
Much love,