The World Inside Us.
Taking responsibility for the world inside us.
Still from the production diary. Also, a pretty good Serpico (1973) costume.
Aloha,
If you are just joining us, welcome. Darieus Legg is an independent animator, filmmaker, and surfer.
These are journal entries about…
…making an independent animated surf documentary called, Stoker Machine.
Dear Reader,
Between the re-writes, new edits, storyboarding, and having a healthy life outside of work, the blog will be going on a temporary pause. Next week, you will receive a production diary video I made just for you. Because you are a subscriber, you will see it first, then the video will be posted onto social media.
I will be stepping away from the blog until the film is complete. The website will still be active! So check in whenever your web surfing, you never know what you might find!
The day after Thanksgiving, limited art prints and Stoker Machine film merchandise will be for sale. As a subscriber you will get first look and dibs before anyone else. The proceeds will go to funding post-production. The Stoker Machine film website is going live around Thanksgiving too! Expect a survey around that time because your feedback will have an impact on the blog in 2023.
All of this seems like a no brainer right?
Not for me. Especially when I see the website viewership numbers growing and it feels like if I don’t keep posting and doing everything at once, I’ll lose an important audience member. However, that mentality is akin to being a rat on the wheel. Which I am not. Trying to do everything at once is a recipe for nothing getting done. I have a hunch, that the people who read this blog, prefer quality over quantity. So in the interest of delivering quality work to you and for myself, the blog-pause is necessary.
Scenes from the Stoker Machine film.
WHAT’S GOING DOWN:
Spending September - December (2022) finishing Stoker Machine. I’m so proud of the way this film came out!
A production diary video is the last blog post of 2022. Drops next week. The blog will resume in 2023. The website will be active the whole time.
Limited prints and Stoker Machine merchandise will be for sale the day after Thanksgiving. The merchandise might make the perfect Christmas gift for you or that surfer in your family. Subscribers will get first looks and access before anyone else.
THE CLOSE-OUT
Because this is the last note in 2022. I want to share something deeply personal.
I believe there are two worlds. The outer world and the inner world.
Do you ever enter the water and get completely fixated on catching waves, or what other surfers are doing, that you miss all the beauty surrounding you?
I sometimes do.
That’s why before entering the water I’ve been doing a check-in. I ask myself a few questions to bring me back to the present moment. I take a minute to intentionally remember a few things, big or small, that I’m grateful for. I also take a minute to appreciate that I’m a kind, and supportive brother, son, and friend.
We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes, that we forget we are more than our thoughts and feelings, can’t we?
Sometimes these check-in’s are right before I lock-up and head down the trail to the beach. The walk is more pleasant. I give “hello’s” to people on the trail. This grateful and appreciative mindset, is a metronome for the rest of the session.
I find it incredibly powerful not to allow what other people say, or do, dictate my attitude or behavior. I don’t want what happens in the outer world, to effect my inner world.
I am talking about ninety percent of the stuff that happens to me on a daily basis. Someone cuts me off in traffic. A person ignores my “good morning”. Partner doesn’t open up as much as I’d like her too. Didn’t get the food we paid for. Didn’t get the raise and promotion I deserve. Headline news. Someone cuts me off surfing. Waves have been terrible for a month straight. Pizza’s cold. Things like that.
There are billions of other things, like the weather, what people do, say, tweet, post, etc. that I cannot control. How I show up to each moment though, is in my control. That may seem crazy at first, maybe it is, but with commitment and doing the work, it’s true, I’ve gotten so much better at choosing an internal state of being. It’s like being the weather master of my inner world. The waves can be firing, waters warm, and the suns out all day. That is the world that needs the most tending. My inner world. When it’s dark and stormy in there, it’s residual effects on the outer world are negative.
Imagine a skill that allows you to not be over run and misguided by your thoughts and feelings. How much better would we sleep at night?
I believe tending to the inner world might be the single most important skill any of us ever learn. Aside from “learning how to learn”, it is the other meta skill that makes life a pleasant experience, despite the never ending obstacles happening on the outside.
I think some yogi once said, “Can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Boy was he, or she, right.
At first, taking a new responsibility, like controlling how I respond to the weather of my inner world, seemed impossible. Overwhelming. You might have seen this play out before, like when we entered adult life. All of a sudden there are a bunch of things that need tending too that we never thought about before. It was like that for me.
When I was a teenager and saw how much responsibility my parents had on their plate; and how many more kept piling up, the weight of being an adult crippled me. I was afraid inside. Then I got advice one day. Shane Dorian told me to break my responsibilities into smaller more manageable tasks instead of trying to do everything at once. Take things on, one at a time.
Taking on a new responsibility, even if it’s in our inner world - works like this too. When I decided to try various methods of not allowing my thoughts and feelings over run me, it was like trying to pick up a hundred pound dumbbell. So I moved down the line a bit, started with the ten pounders. Lite mental exercises which have huge impacts on how I respond to my inner world. This has compounding effects in the outer life. More patient. Less defensive. Take things less personal. I saw the difference when life hurled a few jackasses at me and I was shocked how graceful I handled them. That was the “aha” moment. I was like, this stuff works. Then little by little, I worked myself up to handling the heavy stuff. The dark stormy weather that brews up inside all of us from time to time.
Heavy stuff to me is when someone you love says; or does, hurtful things. The question I ask? How am I choosing to show up right now? Am I going to be pissed? Am I going to be curious?
When shit hits the fan, this super subtle moment is everything.
Why?
1.) I’m in control of me. I’m not reacting.
2.) More moves on the chess board become available when we are not on auto-pilot, reacting.
3.) Choosing a response, instead of reacting, puts you in the driver seat of your mind.
Stepping up and taking responsibility for our inner world is an ultra super duper powerful thing. It’s a skill I wish everyone would give a chance. Maybe if more of us tended to our inner world frequently, instead of worrying so much about what’s happening in the news, social media, and gossip in general - the outer world would take care of itself. Like it has long before us humans entered the picture.
Back in the surf line-up.
A simple surf, despite wave conditions can be a pleasant experience, if I allow it to be. A simple surf with a bunch of wave warriors barking at each other and me can be a pleasant experience, if I allow it to be.
It all starts back up the trail, before I get out of the car, by taking a moment to be grateful and appreciative. Those are the six foot and glassy type of conditions I like to keep in my inner world.
BONUS SECTION:
I am reposting my reel here incase you missed it last week. I had to take it down and remove a few clips of content. So this is the new and improved version.
Foundation, grounded.
Thoughts on foundation.
Aloha,
If you are just joining us, welcome. Darieus Legg is an independent animator, filmmaker, and surfer.
These are journal entries about…
…making an independent animated surf documentary called, Stoker Machine.
Reader,
Pardon me while I am knee deep ingesting the latest footage from the Mexico shoot with Randal Stoker! The film is full steam ahead and all my focus is on locking up the edit. So if you don’t mind, in todays post, I’d like to share some thoughts on a subject that you might find interesting. I certainly do.
Mental nutrition.
I did a project a year ago with my friends, Kuhao Zane and Zak Noyle. I’ve known both for a very long time. Kuhao is from Hilo side. Zak is from Oahu. We focused on Kuhao’s routines, and one of them, I related too a lot. In fact, many of the things he said in his interview had me wondering whether or not our spirits are really one on some higher plane. Ku’s profession is cultural practitioner and designer. He’s a deep guy and comes up with some of the most meaningful, emotional, and fascinating clothing prints I’ve ever seen. Granted, his father is a grandmaster wizard himself, but Ku has a unique touch to his work that makes it clear he has a voice of his own. Nothing about his design choices are arbitrary. Intention goes into all aspects of the creation. Including his way of being in the world. And that’s where our spirits connect, if not are one.
Ku gets up every morning and stares at his Ulu tree in the backyard.
What is the first thing I feed my brain when I wake up? Staring at the ocean, or artwork from my favorite animators. Things I avoid feeding my brain at all costs first thing in the morning. Anything on my phone. I don’t integrate my phone into my morning until an hour after I awake. The way I connect to the world the moment I open my eyes is by being without any digital interface. No separation. This is critical to me because I feel any use of a digital device is a separation from my immediate reality. I can’t have that anymore.
This varies, because the demands of the modern world are insane. I don’t want to necessarily disconnect from the grand old opera of life. But I am acutely aware of the importance of feeding my brain art or nature first thing in the morning. It sets up my internal operating system with wonder. No limits. Curiosity. The possibilities that reside in not knowing how something is done, or made. Connection, to something way bigger than me.
A practical first step I took earlier in the year? I bought an analog clock and put it next to my bed, so I wouldn’t have a reason to need the phone near bye. This basic act changed my sleep drastically. Stripping away all digital devices before I go to sleep, and when I wake up, gave me better sleeps. It takes serious discipline, which says more about the power of my digital addiction than it does about my willpower, but it pays off in deep sleep dividends.
WHAT’S GOING DOWN:
Ingesting all the new footage shot in Mexico. Stoker Machine is thriving.
Shane Dorian gave the film and me a shout out on his Instagram. Love that man. He did so much for me as a teenager, and I still use and practice the tools he gave me in the gym, in the surf, and life.
It was my best friends birthday yesterday, Happy Birthday Marc! He turned 40.
If you missed my last blog post, give it a read, it has some fun animations.
THE CLOSE-OUT
At the beginning and end of the project we did with Kuhao, he channels a beautiful chant in Hawaiian. The chant serves as an important reminder: set your foundation and be grounded as you approach the day.
It’s practices and reminders like that, that keep me pushing forward on a documentary that seems to be a never ending up hill push.
Great Books
Amazing reading.
Aloha,
If you are just joining, welcome. Darieus Legg is an independent animator, filmmaker, and surfer.
Scroll down
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Scroll down 〰️
These are journal entries about…
…making an independent animated surf documentary with the working title; Stoker Machine.
Today’s newsletter is short. I am back from the shoot.
How did it go? Not at all what I expected. Almost nothing went my way. Documentary filmmaking is a wild ride. Need excitement in life? Want uncertainty at every corner? Then have I got the solution for you! Make a documentary. Lol. I am not complaining. In fact, I love it. Even when it’s tough times.
Expect the unexpected. I think I’m coming to terms with this, so-called truth.
The whole story of the movie hinged on what was initially a “mystery” to be solved. Who is Stoker and where did this board come from? This shoot, which took months of prep and planning, where the main character meets and gets all the answers, all got washed down the drink. Life had other plans. Things beyond my control, which I won’t go into, caused the films climax and ending - not to be.
It’s a trip. Shocking in fact. Because I’ve invested and dedicated two years of life into this film. Not only me, but a ton of people who have been helping and supporting on the peripheral. Especially my beloved Marilen. It takes a village as the saying goes…
Remember all those animations and hand drawings that were lost in a computer crash? Well, this is a similar type of low. But guess what? I am resilient. Despite not getting the ending I thought I’d get, I still have an opportunity to make a terrific movie with what I have. All I can control is what is in my control.
I’m looking at the footage, seeing what makes it into the film, and what does not. But more importantly, I got more clarity on what is missing and where the story needs to go. More context on surfboard creation, retro boards coming back, and how Stoker’s V-Machine fits into that culture. I’m going to interview shapers, glassers, and retro surfboard collectors to help fill in the holes. That way, when we weave into Chad’s Stoker story, the general audience will have a deeper understanding of surfboards in general and give me an ending that doesn’t require a big “reveal”. Instead of the film ONLY being a main character “mystery” to be solved. It is now a niche surfboard history documentary meets minor character mystery. Lol.
The hiccup that almost derailed the entire project has, if anything, caused the film to get better. Which is what happened after I lost my initial animations and drawings. The film got better because I had to look for new ways to FIND and TELL the story. The same is happening now. That excites me! I’ve never seen a film like this before and with a few add-on’s and tweaks, Stoker Machine will see the magical darkness of movie theatre.
In the meantime, please enjoy some books I recently finished reading, and a photo from production. In the Close-Out section I share some thoughts on doing the work.
Fiction.
My beloved Marilen turned me onto this gem. A great reminder to be grateful for what you already have. A magical story, aimed at thirty-somethings struggling to find purpose to live anymore.
Non-fiction.
Another gem found by my beloved. Both Marilen and I read this together recently. A powerful book that has transformed our relationship. Packed with thought provoking exercises. A must read for anyone with a relationship to anything, or anyone. It applies.
Non-Fiction.
An animator and illustrators, delight. Exquisite book that shares techniques used by the filmmakers on the classic film. Great interviews with the legendary art director, Kazuo Oga.
Randal Rostoker. Production still from the short-animated documentary, Stoker Machine.
Concept art for the poster.
WHAT’S GOING DOWN:
Setting up an online network to back-up the film. That is in my control!
Writing and re-writing the film, Stoker Machine. I’m somewhat in a new place all together with the story, so I am making adjustments in-script before I commit to more interviews and editing. Doesn’t that sound fun!? I kid, it actually is fun to me. Solving a puzzle.
If you missed my last blog post, check out a short grindhouse film that my friends and I made many moons ago. For frills thrills and laughs, click on the hyper-link.
The Close-Out
No matter what, life to me appears to be a series of relationships. Work, family, friends, hobbies, all of them are a relationship. Relationships require decisions. Show up. Stay open to learn. Do work. Simple. Simple does not mean easy. Easy way, hard life. Hard way, easy life. It’s how growth happens. Sure as shit is fun to experience, reflect, and participate. Making hard choices is rewarding and paying dividends in all the right areas.
Thank you for stopping by! Have a great week. If you’d like to share something you are grateful for, feel free to post it in the comments below.
Here is mine: I appreciate living next to the ocean, inhaling salty air while making a cup of coffee at dawn, and checking the surf before most people are awake.
Stoked,
Sheila Scorned (A grindhouse Intermission)
Sheila Scorned
Aloha,
If you are just joining us, welcome. Darieus Legg is an independent animator, filmmaker, and surfer.
These are excerpts from…
a journal. About making an independent animated surf documentary and comic called, Stoker Machine.
This week I’m on location shooting the final scene of the Stoker Machine documentary. Below is a fantastic genre “Grindhouse” short-film. We made the film six or seven years ago. I think you’ll find it very entertaining. Please enjoy as we will return to our regular scheduled programs when I get back!
Sheila Scorned
I had the pleasure of making two dear friends from this film. One is Mara Tasker. A fellow cinephile and filmmaker, she invited me to help edit and tell her incredible kick-ass story. We had a ball making the film. The other is Jim Senti, a talented actor and performer. Cinema is unique in a lot of ways. One particular way is their ability to bring people together in service of a story. Possibly, creating life long friendships along the way.
I hope you enjoy watching this short-film as much has we do!
WHAT’S GOING DOWN:
This week shooting the final scene of Stoker Machine.
Met with the talented Coleen Baik to discuss working together on Stoker Machine.
If you missed my last blog post on PT.1 of my origin story, check out Live Stoked.
Spotify playlist for when you working Stoker #02.
Bonus Material
An animation test for fun. Why else?
Live Stoked
Pt.1 Rock Da’ Boat
Aloha,
If you are just joining us, welcome. Darieus Legg is an independent animator, filmmaker, and surfer.
These are excerpts from…
a journal. About making an independent animated surf documentary and comic called, Stoker Machine.
…
Making something from nothing is a crazy endeavor. It takes courage and imagination. A lot of both. I’ve been reflecting on that. To sustain whatever you’re making requires something else too. Gratitude. Here is the origin story of how I got to this point, making an animated surf documentary.
PART 1, ROCK DA’ BOAT
I’ve grown up in the ocean. First on a sailboat, sailing. Then, in Kona, surfing. Now, as an artist, owning my story. Sailing and surfing are similar environments. Both surrounded by water. A close relationship with nature and a crew. Getting along, goes along way. Rocking the boat, can be dangerous. Being the first to do anything outside of family tradition - rocks da’ boat.
My mom and dad rocked first, by raising a my brother and I on a sailboat. Then my brother and I rocked again, by being the first generation of surfer. Then the boat flipped, capsized, with a painful divorce. We rebuilt the family boat with a deep commitment to each other, and evolved. Now our family is growing. The size of stoke is directly related to the size of gratitude. Live stoked.
Forty years ago…
June 10th, 1981.
Full moon. A damp joint. Two dreamers, 29 and 21 years old, sit in a jacuzzi flirting, talking about everything under the stars. They’ve just met. The American guy puts his joint out, and asks the Persian gal next to him to go for a walk on the beach. His next question changes both their lives forever. Will you marry me? In a heavy accent she says, “Fack it, les’ do it.” On June 20th, Paul Legg and Naghmeh Ghalamfarsa seal the deal on a boat in Newport Beach harbor. Barring any crafty attempts by the family to thwart their communion.
June 10th, 1983.
I’m delivered in a hospital room reeking of pizza, Budweiser, and sounds of Pink Floyd’s, Dark Side of The Moon.
Fall, 1985.
My dads carpenter hands are stained as a painters. We set sail for the Bahamas aboard our Teak wood sailboat dawning a fresh coat of paint and a new name hand lettered in bright gold old English - Shaharazad. Scheherazade is the main character in 1001 Arabian Nights. A classic piece of literature out of Asia minor where a stunning heroin recounts stories every night in an attempt to stop a megalomaniac King from beheading and raping her sister. Like the character in the book, Shaharazad would keep us alive by giving us countless stories and adventure. My mom is from a nearby city where the Arabian Nights take place. The ancient city of Shiraz, located in modern day Iran. Which doesn’t consider itself Arab at all. It’s complicated. They say, babies born in Shiraz have their umbilical cords cut by ancient poetry that came from the land. My mom was named by a musician, Navab Safa. Her name means harmony, melody, and hummingbird. This is also the region of the world where the names Darieus and Cyrus come from. Despite my mom pushing to have classic American names like, Jason; my blue collar open minded American dad was adamant his kids have Persian names to represent the culture he was infatuated by. He gave us the modest names of the greatest Persian kings - Darieus and Cyrus “The Great” . They ruled the area 4500 years ago. One was responsible for freeing the Jews while the other created the concept of Satraps and highway infrastructure. These names are unusual to have because Persian families don’t name their kids after ancient kings that pre-date Islam. It’d be like a Hawaiian family naming their kid, Kamehameha, Liho Liho, or Kalakaua. But, mom and dad loved to rock da’ boat. They didn’t have a lot of money and Shaharazad was tiny. Money didn’t stop mom and dad from making their dreams come true, like sailing to the Bahamas from upstate New York. Little did they know, Dar was about to slip overboard and nearly kill Dad in the process.
1986, Nassau, Bahamas.
At 3-years old, I fell into the ocean. I remember it crystal clear. My dad was smoking his cobb pipe while my mom made happy hour drinks. The sun setting in the red sky. My brother a year away from conception. And me, about to make my brother an only child.
Our boat was tied up to an old dilapidated pier. Rusty sharp tie-rods protruded from cracks in the concrete. This was a little rest-stop before sailing down the island chain. I was sitting on the edge of the pier pushing the boat away trying to make a bridge between the pier and Shaharazad with my body. There was too much slack in the lines, Shaharazad separated from the pier, in a distance greater than the length of my three-year old body. Kerplunk. My parents heard the splash because within seconds dad leapt off the stern, fully clothed, pipe in mouth with glass of wine in hand. Unbeknownst to dad, a razor sharp barnacle encrusted tie-rod was waiting for him. Angled up, like a human skewer just beneath the surface of the water. The pointy end passed right between his legs, missing his torso scraping up his inner thighs and stomach. Ignoring this, he bolted around the boat to find me treading water. I remember seeing him come around the boat. The pipe in his mouth and glass of wine in hand. He was smiling. So was I.
Turns out, I was a natural. I said, “Look poppa I can swim!”. From that moment on, it was hard to take me out of the water. We all grew into a life at sea. That meant, I would end up making some peculiar discoveries that not many toddlers do not at such a young age.
1992, between Main and the Bahamas.
8 years old I had read most of the crime novelist, John Grisham’s work (it was the only type of books available in free books stores at the marinas). My brother was learning to read. I’m not too sure how stoked my parents were about this; I’d ask what words like, shit, fuck, cunt, and blowjob mean. They didn’t know how to answer to a child who couldn’t keep a book out of his face. I was giving my younger brother a questionable foundation to be building his vocabulary on. I never got any answers on what all the fuss was about until we pulled into Annapolis, Maryland one hot summer.
I saw a skater using a payphone. Every other word was like the cuss words in my books. I noticed the other adults looking down on him and scoffing. I think my mom called him a “street kid” and said to me, “ Don’t you ever behave like that street kid.” I didn’t understand because his skateboard and the clothes he was wearing were so cool. That’s when I realized it was the words coming out of his mouth that were not okay to use in the general public. I got into an argument with my mom right there on the street because I couldn’t understand why it was okay to use cuss words at home, but not okay to use them in public. It made me want to use cuss words all the time. And I did. In secret, with my brother. We’d say bad words to each other all the time and crack huge smiles as if we had just got away with robbing the worlds largest bank. To keep secrets on a boat is hard!
Out of everything, the dolphins fascinated me most. The way they moved through the water fed my imagination. At one point, I asked my dad, “Can I live with the Dolphin in the ocean. You and mom can follow me incase anything goes wrong”. Bless my dad for not shooting down my imagination, he just smiled and said, “Anything’s possible Dar.” A dolphin’s dorsal fin mesmerized me more than anything. Which lead me to the surfboard. Seeing a surfboard fin for the first time immediately got me thinking that’d be the closest I’d ever get to living with the dolphin.
We pulled into a marina to fuel up and get water. At this marina they had a bookstore you could trade in books, for more books. At eight I was short on cash but had tons of books. I traded in all my John Grisham for surf magazines. Seeing a surfboard fin for the first time immediately got me thinking that’d be the closest I’d ever get to living with the dolphin. When we left that marina, I told my “I am going to learn how to surf.”
We dropped anchor for the last time when I was ten and my brother six in the Hudson river, New York. We had sailed the entire Eastern seaboard of the United States and much of the Bahamas. Both of us predominantly homeschooled. We’d seen crashed seaplanes owned by drug lords and guarded by soldiers with machine guns. Met other kids and families from all over the world. Survived numerous storms. I kept my dad alive during a crazy crossing the Gulf of Mexico. Learned lessons like the deep value of diversity. Whether in ways of people, or in nature, diversity is key to life thriving.
Married after ten days. Raising kids on a sailboat. This was just the first rocking of the family boat. Terrific preparation for when the family boat rocked so hard it capsized, and nearly drowned us all in Kona, Hawaii.
Next Blog Post…
WHAT’S GOING DOWN:
Shooting on a sound stage in Hollywood next week Aug 2nd - Aug 5th for a 20-episode series Creatively Produced called “For Starters”. The host I found for the program is a lot of fun. His name is Torin Perez. And we been sharing some solid laughs and good times in rehearsals. He’s not only great for the material, but I’m stoked to have a new friend as well.
Aug 6th - Aug 13th, shooting the final scene of the Stoker Machine.
Love learning the Clarinet. It’s not easy, but my goal is to be able to play a Benny Goodman track in a year.
If you missed my last blog post on ‘asking for help when you need it’, check out Leprechauns and Rewiring !
Spotify playlist for when you working Stoker #02.
Flash Back to my short-film, “Maps of Home Of Home”
THE CLOSE-OUT
Living stoked. The easiest way, is finding something you can be grateful for right now. If you can find gratitude in where you came from, and where you are, that’s the beginning of living stoked.
I invite you to share something you are grateful for today in the comment section. You never know how that can change the course of your day.